Divorce is a matter that seems incredible at the initial stage of a relationship, extremely undesirable during the heyday of the family, and really threatening at critical moments of married life. No matter how impossible it may seem for an entire family and an individual spouse to dissolve a marriage, one must always keep in mind that marriage in modern reality is an unstable thing. More often, marriage ends in divorce than in the canonical “until death do us part.” Therefore, you need to be at least partially prepared for the collapse of family life.
The easiest way to prepare for this is financially. When marital relations become complicated, it is worth considering the moral side of your behavior in case of divorce. And if significant suspicions about divorce arise, you need to prepare psychologically as much as possible.
Why couples break up
The desire of spouses to separate may be influenced by:
- country legislation;
- customs and traditions;
- standard of living;
- mentality;
- religion.
In countries with a high standard of living, family breakdown is less common. The reason is not only a normal financial situation, but also a responsible and conscious approach to choosing a future spouse, entering into a marriage with clear goals and motives.
The spouses themselves most often indicate the following as the reason for divorce:
- treason;
- sexual dissatisfaction;
- being overly busy at work;
- incompatibility of hobbies and characters;
- alcohol addiction of the second spouse.
What can help you find the strength to move on after a breakup?
Divorced people, taught by bitter experience, continue to feel the consequences of divorce for a long time. Those who suffer especially are those who did not initiate the breakup and hoped until the very end for a favorable outcome. Both men and women feel a lot of negative emotions: anger, fear, pain, resentment.
However, they need to live on, and for this they need to find a new meaning in life. In any case, it should be remembered that the source of strength is in each of us, it just weakens a little in certain situations.
What will help you find and open internal reserves:
- environment (relatives and friends);
- motivational literature, cinema and other forms of art (just not tearful love stories);
- spiritual and physical self-development (will help you become stronger in every sense of the word);
- career (success will help you become more self-sufficient and distract you from worries);
- caring for other people (for example, volunteering);
- religion (just don’t join dubious sects).
If you want to start a new life, do not under any circumstances forget about your common children, because, despite the divorce, a normal father not only pays alimony, but also participates in the upbringing of his children.
I need a divorce, where to start?
When wondering what the first steps should be in a divorce and where to start, you should follow these tips:
- First, determine the authority where you need to submit your application. This may be a registry office (that is, an administrative organization) or a court (magistrate or district, depending on the circumstances of the case).
- Then you need to file a statement or lawsuit.
- The next step is for the spouses to collect the required documents.
- Then the state duty must be paid.
- It is rational to familiarize yourself with the upcoming process of divorce, with possible pitfalls and difficulties.
It is worth clarifying the question of what comes first – divorce or division of property. Experts recommend separating these processes if there is no time. Division of property always requires more time and effort, especially if there are disputes. If you have a loan, it is also better to get a divorce through the court in order to equally divide debt obligations, as required by law.
Identify your assets and clarify what exactly is yours
Step one on the path to managing your finances is to determine your assets. Before you can move on to the other steps, you need to know exactly how much money you have and exactly where it is. Then figure out how much of it is in your name and what is in your spouse's name, including any loans, bank accounts, and investments.
Believe me, in a divorce, the judge will care more about a good financial report than a photo of your spouse leaving a hotel with his mistress. It all comes down to money in the end, so get current reports on the value of your assets and make everything clear.
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General algorithm for applying to the registry office
If you are wondering where to start with a divorce by mutual desire and without common children, as well as disputes over property, you need to study the general algorithm.
- Pay the state fee through a bank or terminal and receive a receipt.
- Prepare the spouses’ passports and their copies, as well as a marriage certificate.
- When wondering where to start filing a divorce, both spouses should visit the registry office and draw up an application. If someone cannot appear, you must provide them with an application to sign. The received document must be certified by a notary.
- Wait 30 days and then go to the registry office to pick up your divorce certificate.
How to come to your senses and forget the woman you love who left for another man?
If the wife left not for her mother, but for her lover, then we can almost definitely talk about a final breakup. For the abandoned husband in this situation, it is important not to fall into despair and maintain self-esteem. Of course, a feeling of resentment and wounded pride can interfere with a correct assessment of the situation, but it is still necessary to try.
Psychologists recommend not to impose attempts at reconciliation and:
- accept divorce as a fact and do not deny what happened;
- analyze the situation and look at your ex-partner from a critical perspective;
- give yourself some time to suffer, and then start solving some “global” problems (you can “conclude” a written agreement with yourself);
- remove from your home all things that remind you of the past and avoid visiting places that evoke memories.
It is advisable to change your environment for a while and go on a short trip.
Dissolution of the union through court
When a divorce involving division of property is carried out, where to start is a pressing question. Litigation is a necessity when there are children, mortgages or disputes over assets. To initiate the process you must:
- pay a state fee of 650 rubles through a bank terminal or directly at the bank;
- receive a receipt;
- go to court and file a statement;
- wait for the hearing date and the court decision.
Where does a divorce begin – with filing a claim. It must contain the following items:
- details of the court where the application is expected to be filed;
- data and contacts of both spouses (even if only one of them submits the application);
- a brief statement of the essence of the claim - it is enough to mention your desire to get a divorce due to an unsatisfactory family life;
- the following are all claims, including property claims, or claims regarding children;
- be sure to provide a list of the spouses’ property and other documents confirming the fairness of your position and the validity of your claims;
- Additionally, it must be stated that the spouses made an attempt to start over or peacefully resolve the conflict, but it was not successful.
If possible, the application states with whom the children will remain, who will provide for them, and whether alimony is needed, if necessary. You can also clarify exactly how the property is planned to be divided. If this information is not available, the judge will make a decision based on the Law and his own judgment, which may not satisfy the wishes of the spouses.
To file for divorce and know where to start, you need to keep in mind that the first step is to file a statement of claim. The following documents and their copies must be attached to it:
- receipt of state duty;
- marriage certificate;
- children's birth certificates (for joint offspring only);
- an extract from the housing office at the place of residence of one of the spouses (the defendant);
- certificate of husband’s income (if alimony is needed);
- a man’s statement of consent to dissolve the official union (if he agrees).
If you are wondering where to start with a divorce if there are children, then remember that such marriages are dissolved exclusively in court. In the case where there is a mortgage and a divorce is planned, where to start is also not difficult to guess - going to court is a necessary action, because there are property disputes.
How to avoid mistakes when breaking up
The hardest thing is for the partner in the family who tries to the last minute to correct the situation so that the divorce does not take place. And often, due to emotional outbursts, spontaneous, thoughtless actions occur, for example:
- rudeness, manifestations of aggression;
- obsessiveness, frequent calls, searches for meetings;
- child manipulation;
- humiliation, begging for a second chance;
- threats, blackmail, etc.
To prevent such misconduct, consider several important points:
- Remember that the end of a marriage is not the end of color. Negative emotions will go away much faster than it seems.
- Do not engage in self-flagellation - the breakup is the fault of both partners, adequately perceive your mistakes, forgive yourself for them.
- Don’t try to quickly forget your wife - the more intense your efforts not to think about her, the more often this will happen to you.
- Don’t try to immediately find a replacement wife - affection and feelings do not pass quickly, no matter how many girls have been in your bed. Give yourself time to completely cool down.
- Do not prove anything to your ex-wife - many try to do anything to make the initiator of the divorce regret it. Better pay attention to personal growth and self-improvement.
Many men are cured by divorce; only after it do they begin to adequately perceive their mistakes and improve personally. Repeated attempts to build relationships will be much more effective against the backdrop of unsuccessful experiences.
Process duration
The period for dissolution of a marital union varies depending on the court (magistrate or district) and the subtleties of the case. But there are also deadlines for this process established by law. The application is considered within 5 days from the date of filing the claim. Next, a hearing date is set. The meeting is held no earlier than 30 days from the filing of the claim. This time is given to people to resolve conflicts and make peace. If the spouses do not appear at the hearing after this period, the court considers that they have decided to save the marriage and terminates the consideration of the case.
It is impossible to directly predict the duration of the divorce process in court. The law states that the judge must review the procedure within a reasonable time. Everything can be complicated by the need to divide property, the reluctance of one of the spouses to divorce, and other difficulties. Additionally, the judge sometimes assigns a conciliation period of 1-3 months.
I can’t love anyone: psychological help for divorced men
After a breakup, many men find that they cannot love anyone. It seems that time has passed, and feelings have rested, and worthy contenders for the heart have appeared, but... The complex of emotions that poets call love does not arise.
This problem may even make me happy for a while (like, now no one will hurt me). But over time, a feeling of emptiness still appears, which weighs no less than unrequited feelings.
First you need to realize the problem and stop being afraid to love. Of great importance is the acceptance of the fact that feelings for a woman are not synonymous with pain and suffering, loss and the collapse of all plans. However, you shouldn’t dwell on the problem of lack of love.
Perhaps the time has simply not come, because until the emotional wounds heal, it will not be possible to establish a full-fledged personal life. Always be yourself and enjoy life. Only then will everything naturally fall into place.
Don't compare all women to your ex.
When you can't get a divorce
Before starting divorce proceedings with your wife/husband, you first need to figure out whether the spouses have the right to such a procedure. The law prohibits a husband from filing for divorce when his wife is pregnant or there is a child under 12 months in the family.
In some cases, the wife may want to get a divorce and even file a lawsuit. The judge can do this and even grant the application, but only if the initiator is a woman; something threatens her or the life/health of the child in other difficult cases. This procedure will still take two months - after 30 days a meeting will be held, and after another month the court decision will come into force. Difficulties will be added by the presence of a mortgage, loan or other separate debts of the spouses.
Legal issues
What to do if the appeal deadline is missed?
The law provides for the possibility of extending the period for appealing a court decision on divorce.
This can be done if the deadline is missed for a good reason. For example, the second spouse was sick or was on a long business trip. The period can also be extended if the defendant was not properly notified of the divorce.
As judicial practice shows, most often the courts restore the deadline for filing an appeal if the second spouse agrees to cancel the divorce.
How to cancel a divorce through State Services?
In 2021, the law does not provide for the possibility of canceling a divorce through State Services.
If the application for divorce was submitted using an electronic portal, you can cancel the divorce without appearing at the registry office on the appointed day. If the application was submitted through the GAS Justice portal, then the divorce can be canceled by filing a petition for reconciliation using the portal. But only the plaintiff can do this.
Conclusion
You should not agree to the first offer that was given to you. Most likely, the opposing lawyer named the minimum amount with which it is quite possible to fight. So rely on your financial advisor and your attorney to get much more. Just because you're getting a divorce doesn't mean your spouse can take most of the assets, even if they earned more. Your contribution to the family was no less, since women mainly take care of children and home.
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Get copies of all your financial statements
All your financial statements must be current and in writing. The court may not care about evidence of your spouse's affair, but it will care about your financial assets, so start collecting as many documents as possible initially.
However, be careful not to rely on electronic copies. You don't want to risk having all the information you've collected locked out if a vindictive spouse decides to change the passwords on all joint accounts. So print everything out initially. Gather as many bank statements, tax forms, and any other financial documents you've signed over the past few years as you can.
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Secure multiple liquid assets
The last thing you want is for your spouse to leave you completely penniless. However, this practice is quite common. If your family had a joint account, then you can create your own in advance and transfer part of the assets to it. Of course, this doesn't mean you have to take everything, but make sure you have enough finances to cover your expenses before lawyers can get involved. Otherwise, the only way for you to gain access is to hold an emergency court hearing in which you can obtain temporary child support or alimony.
Also, stock up on cash in advance. Of course, cards are a great way to store your finances, but cash that you will always have access to will help you buy some time without needing it.
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