The summer season begins and it's time for vacations. And not always grown-up children can and want to go to kindergarten or travel with their parents. This means that caring mothers and fathers will have to leave their offspring alone in the apartment for the first time for several days or even a couple of weeks.
And, of course, every parent wants to believe that when he returns, the child will be alive and well, and the apartment will be safe and sound.
At what age can you leave a child alone?
There is no law in Russia that would clearly answer this question. Lawyers are of the opinion that a child can be alone at home from the age of 14, when partial responsibility for his actions begins, while the duration of “loneliness” is not specified in any way. If, in general, everything is fine in the family and during your absence the child is not injured and does not commit any offenses, it is very unlikely that the guardianship will accuse you of improperly fulfilling the duties of maintaining and raising a minor.
According to many (I interviewed friends, I don’t claim statistical reliability), by the age of 15–16 a person is already quite ready to experience a short parental vacation alone.
Attention! You should not leave an older teenager alone during difficult periods in life : the loss of a loved one, unhappy love, a serious quarrel with classmates, preparing for exams.
After all, in such moments, any person needs support, even those aged 18+.
Generation “with a key around their neck”
This is exactly what some sociological studies call Russians whose childhood was in the 80s (and even earlier). These children weren't just able to stay home alone. The exception, rather, was when there was someone else at home besides them. Early accustomed to independence, they themselves unlocked the door, warmed up (or even cooked) their lunch, did their homework, and went to classes in clubs and sections. Few people then cared about issues of “psychological adaptation” or “childhood stress.” Where can one go when all the adults are at work from morning to evening, or even until night? Immediately after kindergarten, everyone suddenly became independent.
Modern parents are horrified by the carelessness of their ancestors. The following “funny” incident was described on one forum. The grandmother was perplexed why her daughter was afraid to leave her one-year-old granddaughter in the cradle. She herself “at one time” quite calmly left her daughter at the same age alone in the crib, leaving for work and returning only for lunch (to feed her and go on to work). “What would you like? - she was surprised, “You wouldn’t be able to get out anyway!”
Safety first
Talk with your child about what to do and where to call in an emergency: fire, burst pipe, drunk neighbor breaking the door, etc. Attach in a visible place the telephone numbers of all services (in addition to fire and ambulance, write your management company there).
Make sure your teen knows to check the apartment before each time they leave home and before going to bed. If in doubt, make a note and hang it on the inside of the front door: “Turn off the lights, close the windows, pour fresh water for the cat.”
Teenagers often have a desire to check the validity of the rules established by adults, so for the first time it is better to explain in detail that your requirements are not a whim, but a vital necessity.
For example: “The windows need to be closed, because a sudden thunderstorm could break the glass” or “Thieves broke into our friend’s apartment through an open window.”
Leave the child the necessary amount of cash; it is better to put all other valuables in an inaccessible place. Give someone close to you a spare set of apartment keys (in case the child loses his or the door accidentally slams shut).
Find a companion in the city
It is optimal if grandparents or other relatives whom you completely trust live nearby with the child. But it is important to clearly discuss with both adults and the teenager himself how control will be organized. Maybe your sister thinks that “keeping an eye on your 14-year-old nephew” means stopping by a couple of times to make sure the child is healthy and happy, and you assume that she will check every day that he gets to school and returned home and came running in the evenings with a hot dinner. Or, on the contrary, the grandmother will decide to show unnecessary activity and begin to terrorize the 17-year-old child with calls, although you yourself have not checked for a long time what the child has eaten and whether he is wearing a hat.
Remember that you won't always be connected when you travel. Therefore, ask your child to check with you that his phone contains the contacts of two or three close people to whom he can turn with questions or for help at any time. Warn them of your absence. But for everyone else, it’s better not to know that your child is left alone in the city.
How can a father leave his children with him in case of divorce?
In practice, if spouses divorce, in 95% of cases the child lives with his mother. However, there are legal ways to leave a child with the father during a divorce:
- Verbal consent of the mother.
- A written agreement between wife and husband.
- Court statement.
In order to keep the child with him after a divorce through the court, the father must make arguments that the child will be more comfortable and safer with him than with the mother.
Peace treaty
Mother and father can verbally decide among themselves who their common child will live with after the divorce. In court, this decision (“...I want to leave the child to the father after the divorce...”) is announced and confirmed in writing.
Parents can independently decide with whom their common child will live after a divorce.
If a man fears that his ex-wife will not confirm the oral agreement in court, a written agreement is concluded. It is compiled by the parents themselves in free form and certified with their signatures. If desired, spouses can contact a notary. He will help you draw up the text of the contract correctly and verify it.
Sample written agreement
For the convenience of parents, you can use a ready-made sample agreement. It states:
- Personal data of father and mother.
- Personal data of children.
- Determining with whom and at what address the minor will live.
- Rights and responsibilities of father and mother in matters of education.
- Additional terms and conditions, if any.
sample written agreement for parents
Upholding the rights of a parent in court
In a divorce, the father can legally keep the child with him. To do this, you will have to prove that the minor will be more comfortable with him than with his mother.
Upholding the rights of a parent in court
As arguments, you can provide the court with:
- Characteristics of a minor from a preschool or school, which describes his condition, as well as the participation of adults in upbringing and development.
- Documents about the availability of your own home and the conclusion of the guardianship department about its condition.
- Certificate from work about the amount of income.
- Confirmation that the mother cannot cope with raising children - for example, certificates from a psychiatric or drug treatment clinic.
Testimony from witnesses will be useful, as well as information about how far the child lives from school, how his usual lifestyle will change after a divorce, etc.
Agree how you will keep in touch
The more precisely you express your requirements to your child, the calmer you will be during your departure. It is optimal to set a specific time for communication that is convenient for everyone. Let's say that every day before eight in the evening a child should write to you that he is at home and everything is fine.
You shouldn’t demand that a teenager be on call 24/7 - this is an unrealistic burden (he can be in class, play football, take a shower, sleep, in the end). Still, it would be reasonable to ask your child to give up the habit of constantly keeping the phone on silent during your departure.
Do not torment your child with daily lengthy questions via Skype about all the details of life and everyday life. Very soon it will be easier for your child not to “hear” your calls. Of course, you can and should communicate from time to time, but for pleasure, not as an obligation. Be sensitive to your mood: your child’s intonations will tell you much more than “biased interrogation.”
When children should not be outside unaccompanied by adults
The first thing to remember is that CCs are only valid at night. This is due to the fact that most crimes are committed at night.
This is explained by the following factors:
- identifying a criminal at night is more difficult;
- the number of people on the streets at this time is reduced, which is why there are fewer witnesses to the crime;
- It is often at night that crimes caused by excessive alcohol consumption occur.
What time the curfew ends (and starts) can be adjusted by local authorities. Despite this, most of the regions in this case are in solidarity with Moscow, due to which the restrictions in them are the same (the indicators indicated below are also relevant for the Moscow region):
- the ban starts at 10 pm and ends at 6 am from November to March;
- from 23:00 to 6:00 from April to October (spring, summer and autumn).
The same rules, for example, apply in the Vladimir region and the Saratov region, the Altai region and the Nizhny Novgorod region (previously, the restriction here was less strict, the curfew began at 24:00 and ended at 5 a.m.). For citizens over 16 years of age, the restriction is relaxed by 1 hour. Closer to winter, the prohibitions are stricter than in the summer. This is due to the fact that it gets dark much earlier in the season.
Due to the law mentioned above, special rules apply for St. Petersburg. Minors are prohibited from being on the street in St. Petersburg:
- from 23:00 to 6:00 in summer;
- from 22:00 to 6:00 in winter.
Bashkiria also has its own rules, where you can walk until 24:00 if you are 17 years old. The legislator also introduces certain relaxations, regardless of the specific region. On December 31, January 1 and on holidays organized by local authorities, for example, restrictions for teenagers are lifted.
Exceptions
The legislation also specifies categories of citizens to whom the rules mentioned above do not apply.
Officially this applies to:
- emancipated teenagers (an appropriate court decision will be required);
- persons who got married before reaching the age of majority.
Citizens mentioned in the list have the right to free movement, unaccompanied by adults, at any time of the day, regardless of season, climatic conditions and other factors.
Think about your nutrition
Before leaving, teach your child to cook at least a few simple dishes. Tell us how to properly store food, how many days in advance you should eat the leftover pot of soup, and when it’s best to throw out the leftovers. If you are really worried, start making supplies a couple of weeks before departure: when preparing the main dish and side dish, put one serving in a container and freeze. This way, your child will have a variety of healthy foods that just need to be heated.
Buy a sufficient amount of dairy products with a reserve for the expiration date and canned goods that the child definitely eats, prepare healthy snacks. All this will increase the likelihood that the child will not eat exclusively chips and rolls.
And for the most anxious parents, there are services where you can order a set of balanced meals for the whole day.
Of course, we must strive to ensure that the child learns to cook himself. Fortunately, you can find any recipe and even video instructions for it on the Internet. So why not instruct your teenager to please his parents with something tasty when they arrive?
Make a list of things to do around the house
Children often do not notice the work that their parents do around the house. Everything happens as if by itself. Therefore, it is not a sin to remind you how regularly you take out the trash, wash sinks, vacuum, change towels, rinse the teapot and water the flowers. For the first time, ask your teenager to independently create and agree with you on a written schedule of when and what needs to be done.
Teach how to use household appliances, if you haven’t done so before. Tell us that there is such a wonderful thing as a timer. And it’s better to use it, even if you step away from the switched on stove “for a minute.” And also remind you that clothes will quickly run out if you don’t start the washing machine from time to time.
By what criteria does the judge choose with whom to leave the children?
Upon divorce, the husband and wife can come to an agreement on their own as to which of them the children will live with. If they fail, the court makes a decision.
When determining the place of residence, the court takes into account the degree of attachment of the child to each of the parents
The following circumstances are taken into account:
- How attached the child is to his father or mother.
- Health characteristics of former spouses, the presence of mental disorders and addictions.
- Financial situation of former spouses, availability of living space for living with children.
- Moral qualities of parents, their behavior and lifestyle.
When making a conclusion, the judge is primarily obliged to protect the rights and interests of the minor.
Let me bring a friend
In general, the child will have more fun and comfort if, while you are not at home, he can bring a friend you know well to visit. If your child’s friend is going to spend the night with you, prepare clean bed linen and a towel for him, and remind him that you do not allow him to take your personal belongings and hygiene items. This will help, after returning, to avoid conflicts in the spirit of: “Who lay on my bed and crushed it?!”
But the teenager must understand that organizing large gatherings or bringing new acquaintances in the absence of adults is dangerous. And understand that if he breaks the ban, he will have to deal with the consequences himself. Say this: “Please, you can have a party, but if your friends ruin something in the apartment or the local police officer issues a fine for violating public order, then you will have to earn compensation for the damage yourself. I’m not going to help you with this.”
Do not panic!
It may very well be that your teenager knows and can do much more than you think. It’s just that when mom is at home, sometimes you’re too lazy to do something yourself... So, probably, all the precautions we talked about above are needed not so much by children as by parents. And rightly so: it is better to play it safe than to leave without preparation, and then not find a place for yourself due to anxiety.
Do you think that you are a bad parent if you are going to leave an almost adult child alone for several days? Down with anxiety! You are a wonderful parent who teaches your teenager independence and the ability to be responsible for himself; without this, he will grow up “greenhouse” and completely unadapted to life, and this is really dangerous. All the same, sooner or later every person has to fly out of their parents’ nest. So isn't it better to prepare for this event in advance?
Legislative regulation
This concept is regulated by several legislative acts. First of all, it is enshrined in the Constitution of the Russian Federation, as well as in the Family Code. In addition, the time of day when teenagers have the right to be outside on their own is controlled by Federal Law No. 124, adopted back in 1998.
In 2009, significant changes were made to this regulatory act: the time when minors can be on the street themselves was clarified, and a complete and accurate list of places where they are prohibited from staying in the evening was provided. An important nuance - children under 7 years of age are prohibited from walking in a public place without adult supervision at any time.
Thus, it is necessary to focus on the following laws regarding the presence of children on the street:
- Constitution;
- Family code;
- Federal Law number 124.
Regional authorities have the right to make changes to specific restrictions, that is, to clarify the time frame for their action. This may be caused by the climatic characteristics of the region and the specifics of its terrain. Such a law, for example, was adopted in St. Petersburg in 2014.
