Divorce after the birth of a child: reasons, features of the procedure

Almost every second created family, according to statistics, gets divorced. And this, of course, is very bad. Most often, a break in relationships occurs precisely in the first years of the formation of family relationships. On the one hand, it’s probably better to break up right away, so as not to get used to it, not to get used to it. On the other hand, as a rule, this happens after the birth of children, which is fraught with other problems. First of all, the baby is left without a father or mother (rarely). And a lot of problems immediately arise. How to get a divorce? Is it possible to divorce a child under 1 year of age? How to apply for alimony? Will the father pay them in full and will a single mother be able to raise the child herself?

In general, life for a mother and baby is very difficult. And few people decide to break up immediately after the birth of a baby, although such women are relatively protected by law. In any case, divorce still happens after the birth of a child. And this always happens for a reason.

Why do couples divorce after having a child?

Divorce with a small child under one year old is a serious step. And it needs a good reason. It is clear that in such families that have decided to end their marriage, there are relationship problems. But sometimes they occur just after the birth of a child or during the wife’s pregnancy. Let's consider the main ones:

Relationship. It happens that a couple decided to legitimize their union, but the young people were together for very little time. It is clear that when they start living together, they have many claims against each other, especially if a child has just been born. If they are lucky, they will get along and find a common language. Or it may simply turn out that their value of family is extremely high, and then they will live with each other for the sake of the children, out of a sense of duty. And if this data is missing, then a break in the relationship is inevitable. Another situation may also occur. For example, one of the young people, getting married, was not sure of his feelings, but still decided on an official union (it was just time). And then he begins to realize that he was mistaken, or meets another love. There are many reasons. The essence is the same: people are not ready either for marriage (as a responsibility) or for being together (namely this man and woman).
Early marriage. Early marriage is considered to be around 17–21 years of age. This is the time of formation of worldview, life principles, ideals. At such a moment, the feelings that arise are not always able to correspond to a person’s own ideas about what his partner should be like. And love, stormy, passionate, has already happened! You need to get married or get married! Only then does this first feeling gradually disappear, and what remains before you is a person with all his shortcomings. Namely, they do not fit into your life path scheme. But you realize it's too late. The child has already been born. And then everything happens according to the scheme: there is a sense of duty - we live on, no - problems begin in the relationship that lead to a break.
Financial difficulties. Not every couple understands that marriage is both an economic responsibility and problems related to finances. It’s good if the husband and wife have enough money to live in peace and not need anything. But if there is not always enough money, mutual claims begin. “You can’t provide for your family!”, “Why should I be the only one working non-stop?”, “Where are you spending your money?” Such questions accumulate, and serious problems begin in the relationship. Not every family can overcome financial difficulties. For those who put feelings above all else, of course, it’s easier. They will try to keep the love alive. Also lucky are those couples who are ready to overcome difficulties due to their characteristics. A man will try to earn more if the family budget requires it. A woman will stop nagging her husband when she sees how hard he tries. But if people are not mentally prepared for such difficulties, a breakup is often inevitable. And this is a better option than living with each other all your life, suffering.
Bad habits. It is no secret that alcohol lovers and drug addicts themselves ruin any relationship they enter into. And even if such a person has not yet completely lost his shame and moral character (moreover, he repents and asks for forgiveness because he loves his wife and child), it is still impossible to live with him. Both because he is morally and physically degrading, and because such a father (mother) is a bad example for growing children. Therefore, bad habits of this kind very often become the cause of a break in a young family. In this case, the question may arise: if the family is still young, when did one of its members become an alcoholic or drug addict? Yes, this is a simple matter. However, there must have been some signs indicating that a person was prone to such weaknesses. But not everyone notices them or doesn’t want to notice them, having fallen head over heels in love.
Wife's postpartum depression. Not every man understands (and is able to understand!) the characteristics of the female body, or a woman’s perception of motherhood. The phenomenon of depression after childbirth is quite common. The woman is moping, she doesn’t want sex, she constantly thinks about the child (and in severe cases she doesn’t even think about him!). In general, for some time she has no time for her husband. And here the options for the development of events can be completely different. The husband is able to go to friends or his mother to “cry” about his wife’s behavior. Or it might move in the other direction. Treason. It is precisely because a woman is forced to deny intimacy to her husband in the last stages of pregnancy and in the first months after childbirth for physiological or psychological reasons that crises often occur among husbands. Such situations lead to the emergence of relationships on the side. Sometimes this connection results in the family being destroyed or the wife does not want to tolerate betrayal and immediately leaves. At such moments (if we take into account the special mental state after childbirth), the marriage breaks down.
Problems with relatives. In the first year of married life, misunderstandings often arise in the family related to the influence of close relatives (most often mother-in-law, father-in-law, father-in-law, mother-in-law). This, of course, is bad when adults suddenly forget that newlyweds must learn to solve their problems themselves, that they are more interesting together, that they are no longer children if they decide to start a family. And everyone begins to pull the blanket over themselves: Your son cannot do this! Your daughter is unworthy! He doesn't even know how to nail a nail! She doesn’t know how to cook basic porridge! At such moments, relatives forget that their son, for example, knew perfectly well that the girl did not know how to cook or sew, but decided to marry her. This means that, in principle, it doesn’t matter to him. But young people who are offended by their mother and father begin to quarrel, sometimes present something to each other, and, if they are weak in character, they also agree with their parents in their assessment of their wife or husband. And in this case, serious conflicts occur, disagreements arise, and grievances accumulate against each other. And a break follows, often approved by the parents, who simply forgot how they themselves were in the role of newlyweds.
Disputes over child care. Representatives of older generations can also participate in them. Usually a man does not interfere in the care of the baby (but he can seriously insist on participating in the upbringing of older children). But there are cases when dad is still an adherent of some special methods (passed on from generation to generation), and mom is a supporter of modernity. And disputes begin, which can also lead the wife and husband to a break in their relationship. True, this happens only for this reason extremely rarely.
Illnesses of the mother or child. Unfortunately, there are cases when a baby is born not entirely healthy (it’s worse if he is given some not very good diagnosis at birth). Or the mother begins to get sick, unable to cope with the stress of pregnancy and childbirth. It is clear that a person who can decide to divorce in such circumstances is a disgusting, cowardly creature. But such cases do happen.

See also:
Legal institution of annulment of marriage

Error: Loud arguments

It is clear that when it comes to the collapse of hopes, it is difficult to restrain emotions. The grievances are still fresh, the feeling of belonging to each other has not yet degenerated into alienation, which is why, out of habit, you can afford a lot. In addition, the remaining (for sure!) feelings are superimposed on unresolved problems. And now, at every meeting, ex-spouses begin an emotional showdown, sometimes with shouting and accusations.

Therefore, first of all, it is necessary that both your life and your child’s life fall into a calm rut as quickly as possible, at least outwardly for a start. Of course, this is precisely the most difficult thing, because for this, all participants in the situation must not only understand, but also feel that everything is going fine. Nevertheless, try to calmly explain to the child the essence of the events taking place. And be sure to insist that the parents’ departure will not affect their attitude towards him.

Get help in whatever way you can to pay attention to your own needs. Do whatever you want, but with one condition - spend some time on yourself every day

Try to reduce the anxiety for the baby that is typical for all young mothers: once you leave the baby with your grandmother or nanny, upon your return you will find that they coped perfectly well for these 3 hours without you. A little offensive? Maybe.

But as a consolation, the next day you can again allow yourself to be absent, no longer perceiving this as a crime against the child. Go to the theater if you like theater; if not, go to the cinema or visit a friend. And don’t forget to visit the beauty salon first.

Divorce after the birth of a baby

You have firmly decided to get a divorce. What should you pay attention to and how to act wisely?

Features of the divorce process of parents with a child under 1 year old

Conditions for divorce proceedings initiated by husband/wife.

So, in our country, while a woman is pregnant or until the child is 1 year old, a man cannot file for divorce. Only with the official consent of your spouse. In this case, the woman is not limited in her rights, since the children most often remain with her.

In what case can a man file for divorce?

A man can divorce a woman if the child is under 1 year old, only if his paternity is not confirmed. It should be understood that this fact can only be proven with the help of genetic testing. In the meantime, while a person is submitting documents for this procedure, while he is undergoing the test itself, etc., almost the entire limited period has already expired. However, if the husband managed to catch his wife in a lie and still did this analysis before the child turns 1 year old, then no one will prevent him from getting a divorce.

Where to contact

If you decide to divorce, then you go to the magistrate’s court - provided that you do not have claims against each other in the form of questions about who your child will stay with or how to divide property. And, accordingly, you are sent to the district court if such problems exist. You can also get a divorce in the district registry office if your spouse was sentenced to a term of 3 years or more or he went missing or was declared incompetent.

Documents you need to have with you:

passport;
Marriage certificate;
child's birth certificate;
application for divorce.

The statement of claim is drawn up as follows:

addressed to the magistrate for this area;
surnames, first names and patronymics of the spouses, indications of their residential address or registration;
the conditions under which a divorce occurs, including all the circumstances preceding it (when they got married, how long they actually lived together, whether there are children, etc.);
reasons for divorce;
indicate whether the husband/wife agrees;
indicate why the child stays with you and whether your spouse agrees with this;
request for divorce;
date, signature.

The court's decision

If there are no objections or claims from the husband, the child remains with the mother. The father pays alimony in the amount of 1 child - ¼ income, for 2 children - 1/3 income, for 3 children - ½ income. After the trial, a court decision is made, and a writ of execution is issued to the recipient of alimony. He goes with him to the Bailiff Service, which begins the process of collecting child support.

Percentage of child support payments for the first and second child

But, in practice, a different situation occurs when it comes to collecting payments from a man for his second child, when money has already been transferred in favor of his first-born. In this case, the first of them is not entitled to 25% of the income, but each gets 16.5%, since the total amount for both children cannot exceed 33%.

We invite you to familiarize yourself with: 13 percent of 10

This norm especially affects the amount of financial assistance for a child from his first marriage, since initially he was entitled to a quarter. But with the birth of a second child (even from another marriage) and the filing of an application for alimony in his favor, the due amount of payments is automatically reduced.

Maternity leave is a difficult period for any woman. Spouses do not always go through all the difficulties associated with the birth of a child and stay together.

If a divorce does occur, a single mother should know that she is entitled to certain subsidies. But it is worth considering that in the process of obtaining them there are many nuances and aspects, and sometimes obstacles.

Is it possible to save a relationship if a crisis occurs?

When a divorce of parents is still planned, if the child is less than a year old, 1 year old or more, it all depends on the reason for which it occurs. After all, such moments are a crisis in any marriage, one must learn to overcome it. The main thing is to find something for which. For the sake of the child? Not worth it. For the sake of preserving love in order to raise children happily? Undoubtedly.

It is not without reason that they say that if a couple lives a year or two after the birth of a child, the chances of their further peaceful coexistence increase. To do this, it is best to remember that it is very easy to destroy a family, but putting it back together is not so easy. Always communicate and consult with each other, learn as much new things as possible, do not complain about your husband (wife) to your family, trust and learn to forgive what can be forgiven. Be happy and spread happiness to your marriage partner.

Error: New child

It is very important to behave correctly when a new child appears in a new family. Carried away by the novelty of the situation and the anticipation of the baby, parents may not pay the necessary attention to the elder

And for him this will become a serious trauma, evidence that everything that was important to him has been lost completely and irrevocably. He may feel superfluous to his parents, especially if both mom and dad have new children.

Therefore, it is better to do so-called emotional vaccinations in advance. “Who do you want more, a brother or a sister?” (even if he answers that there is no one), “Will you teach him how to make the same boats?”, “Come with us, choose wallpaper for the nursery.” Of course, such conversations should not be frequent and intrusive.

In November 2007, changes were made to the part of the Housing Code of the Russian Federation that deals with the rights of the child. Previously, a child who remained to live with one of the parents who did not own their own home lost the right to housing of the second parent, despite the fact that he received alimony from him, and was not considered by law a member of the owner’s family.

Now the right to use residential premises owned by one of the parents must remain with the child even after the dissolution of the marriage between his parents. However, the problem is that in fact the child can only live with one of the parents. The solution may be this: in the agreement on the payment of alimony (chap.

Mistake: Overdramatization

Another mistake is naturally dictated by the situation when one of the parents creates a new family. The circle of participants in family relationships is much wider than it might seem at first glance. And feelings are much more complicated. This includes jealousy for the past of your new partner, and a feeling of guilt towards the child for the breakup of the family, and dissatisfaction with the fact that now you have to take care of other people’s children.

All this, of course, will interfere with establishing full contact both between your child and his new relatives, and between children - half-brothers and sisters. In this situation, we can advise you not to dramatize unnecessarily; remember that children get used to any state of affairs quite easily. Whether the parents live separately or together, the child will eventually accept the situation and be able to exist in it quite comfortably, if his own childhood life goes on as usual and is not subject to emotional attacks from adults.

Story

Marina’s divorce from her husband was very difficult - after she found out that he had been dating another woman for a long time, much younger than her. After the scandals, the husband left, leaving Marina with her three-year-old daughter. Resentment was choking

I felt sorry for the daughter who was deprived of her father’s attention. Marina began to shower the child, who understood little in all this fuss, with toys and gifts, but could not calm down.

Seeing that the girl had become very anxious, Marina tried to explain to her why her dad left them, but, seething with indignation, she could not say anything good about her dad, talking about his betrayal. The three-year-old child did not understand anything and just cried. Marina also began to get angry at the child, in whom she saw features of her father.

The situation did not return to normal soon. Marina had to turn to a psychologist who helped her calm down, find peace of mind and look at the world sensibly. Only then did she accept life in a new quality, not as a tragedy, but as a new state of affairs. And the girl calmed down when she saw her mother not crying and screaming, but as she was always used to seeing her.

Husband goes to bed early

The husband thinks that he is tired after work and deserves to go to bed early. At this moment, the woman only feels annoyance and bewilderment, since her man does not think that the woman could also be tired and deserve the same right to a full night’s sleep before 12 am.

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Husband looks better than wife

Childbirth already leaves an indelible mark on the internal and external state of a woman, and constant washing, cleaning and sleepless nights only worsen this. In the end, the woman realizes that her husband looks much better not because he is a superstar, but because the purple circles under his eyes make even the neighbor's cow look better.

Division of property if there are three children

Jointly acquired money is considered to be money and valuables that spouses acquired through compensated transactions using common funds during marriage. Unless otherwise proven by the spouses and a prenuptial agreement is signed, the jointness of valuables purchased during the marriage is assumed.

The division of property is carried out according to the rules of Art. 38 RF IC.

In particular, the division of property in the presence of three children will differ in the following nuances:

The shares of the spouses are recognized as equal, unless each of them demands to increase their share taking into account their personal contribution to the increase in the property mass.
The second spouse may receive a smaller share or be left without property altogether if the court establishes his unreasonably dependent and unworthy behavior in the family.
If the second spouse did not work, but ran a household and raised common children, then his contribution to the common property is usually considered equal. But the interested spouse is not deprived of the right to challenge this.
The share of the less needy spouse may be reduced by the court at the expense of the interests of the children who remain living with the other, more needy spouse. In this case, the court has the right (but is not obligated) to award equal monetary compensation to the other spouse for the fact that, despite an equal or even greater contribution to the property, he received a smaller share.

Personal belongings of spouses, with the exception of valuables and luxury items, are not divided. Children's belongings (musical instruments, sports equipment, deposits opened in the name of children, toys, children's room furniture, etc.) are also not divided.

At the request of a husband or wife, property that belongs to each of them can be recognized as joint property if its value has been increased by common money - for example, when the house of one spouse was renovated using the money and personal efforts of the other spouse.

If the spouses agreed to peacefully divide the property, then such an agreement must be formalized by a notary.

Important! The statute of limitations for the division of common property is three years from the moment the former spouse learned or should have learned about the violation of his property rights.

Who will be left with three children in a divorce?

A dispute about children can be avoided if the spouses previously indicated their place of residence in the event of divorce in the marriage contract or later formalized an alimony agreement with a notary.

The issue is complex and is resolved taking into account the degree of attachment of children to each parent, the presence of conditions for each spouse that are conducive to the normal upbringing and development of minors.

The higher financial security of one of the spouses (having housing, a high salary, etc.) is not always the determining criterion when the court makes a decision on the child’s place of residence. Even if a mother does not work, this is not a reason to take her child away from her.

Important! The opinion of a child who has reached the age of 10 about his place of residence is taken into account by the court, but is not decisive if it was expressed under pressure and contradicts the interests of the minor.

Sometimes the plaintiff, who is interested in having the child live with him, along with the testimony of the minor himself, draws up as evidence a certificate from a psychologist about the degree of attachment of the minor to each of the parents.

Also, to determine this attachment, a forensic psychological examination may be prescribed.

Statistics of marriages and divorces by federal districts for January-July 2021

News publications are full of headlines that the number of marriages and divorces in Russia has increased in 2021. Let's figure out what this conclusion is based on.

Statistics from 2021 are taken and compared with 2021 figures. But such an analysis is unlikely to show real results.

We remember that due to the pandemic, registering a marriage or filing a divorce in 2021 was difficult. Therefore, many couples have postponed the official process until 2021.

It turns out that the number of marriages and divorces in 2021 has increased due to citizens who were unable to formalize their marriage or divorce in 2021.

To confirm this version, you can view statistics for 3 years. The table below shows the marriage and divorce rates for January-July 2021, 2021 and 2021. Most federal districts have the highest figures for 2021. Therefore, the conclusions that the pandemic was the cause of most divorces in 2021 do not have sufficient grounds.

County name	Marriages for 10,000 2021/2020/2019	Divorces for 10,000 2021/2020/2019
Central Federal District	6.1/4.2/5.7	4.3/3.2/4.2
Northwestern Federal District	6.5/4.9/6.2	4.6/3.5/4.6
Southern Federal District	5.6/4.1/5.4	4.4/3.4/4.2
North Caucasus Federal District	4.3/3.6/4.5	3/1.9/2.3
Volga Federal District	5.3/4/5.1	4.1/3.2/3.8
Ural federal district	6.3/4.8/6	5.1/3.7/4.7
Siberian Federal District	6/4.7/5.9	4.7/3.6/4.5
Far Eastern Federal District	6.2/5/6.2	5.3/3.8/4.8

Divorce statistics in Russia for 10 years by year

On the graph, divorce statistics look like this:

From the graph you can see that until 2014 there was an increase in the number of divorces. To reduce them, the Government of the Russian Federation in 2014 increased the state duty for divorce.

Until 2014, to become a free person, a citizen had to pay 400 rubles. After 2015, each spouse must pay 650 rubles. for registering a divorce. And in case of divorce through the court, another 600 rubles. as a state duty.

In 2013, Dmitry Medvedev put forward a proposal to raise the state fee for divorce to 30,000 rubles. Although this decision did not find support, many spouses decided to postpone the divorce.

Also, from the graph we can conclude that, on average, the number of divorces over 10 years remains stable. And it continues to be one of the tallest in the world.

In 2021, Russia had the fourth highest divorce rate in the world. Luxembourg was in first place with 87% of marriages in a year.

Error: Hooking the Child

Many pitfalls await new family members—the father’s new wife or the mother’s husband—when they try to build a relationship with the “coming” child. Feeling the vulnerability of adults in this situation, the child may begin to retell other people’s conversations and make comments like: “And my mother is more beautiful,” “Mom always turns out delicious,” “Dad gave mom flowers much better than these.” This is, of course, unpleasant to listen to.

Don’t make a mistake, now calm is your main trump card, treat these comments as the words of an offended child who is going through a difficult period in life. Under no circumstances scold him for this and don’t try to prove that “since your dad divorced your mom, she wasn’t that good.”

I am mine, and you are mine, and for us they are the most beautiful.” The content of the conversation on this topic will depend on the individual situation. Sometimes you can pretend that you don't notice anything, sometimes a joke is appropriate. But a serious conversation is also quite possible: “I don’t like you saying that, although I understand why. Let's decide not to say anything offensive to each other." Even a five-year-old child is quite capable of understanding what is meant.

It is impossible to say exactly at what age it will be especially difficult for a child to get used to a new situation. Much depends on the relationships in the family before the divorce, on what kind of relationships develop in new families, and, of course, simply on the character of the child. It happens that children perceive both divorce and subsequent life quite positively.